Couples therapy for relationships under strain
I work with couples who are stuck in the same arguments, feeling distant, or carrying hurt that keeps showing up again. We slow things down enough to hear what each person is protecting, avoiding, or hoping for.
What people bring me
Couples often come in feeling like they’re having the same fight on repeat. One person may feel shut out while the other feels criticized or never good enough. Sometimes the relationship is still there, but the ease is gone and both people are walking on eggshells. Sometimes trust has been shaken and they don’t know how to talk without it turning into another blowup.
- We keep arguing about the same thing.
- I don’t feel heard anymore.
- I’m careful with everything I say at home.
- We feel more like roommates than partners.
How I work with it
With couples, I watch the back-and-forth closely and slow the conversation when it starts to tighten. I use ACT, trauma-informed care, and culturally responsive care to make space for history, identity, and the old hurts that can shape what happens now. Sometimes that means helping each person speak more plainly; sometimes it means paying attention to how power, stress, or past experiences are showing up in the relationship.
- ACT
- ACT can help couples notice the stories each person gets pulled into during conflict. We look at what happens when fear, resentment, or defensiveness starts steering the conversation.
- Trauma-Informed Care
- Trauma-informed care matters when a relationship has a history of hurt, shutdown, or repeated conflict. I pay attention to what feels threatening so we can move without piling on more harm.
- Culturally Responsive Care
- Culturally responsive care helps us look at the expectations, family patterns, and identities that shape the relationship. That context often matters in ways couples have not been able to name together yet.
What the first sessions look like
In the first sessions, I want to understand what each of you is carrying and how the conflict works between you. We’ll talk about what each person wants from therapy and what feels hardest to say at home, so we can begin from the real pattern, not the polished version.
I pay attention to the pattern between you, not just who started the fight.
Questions people ask
Can couples therapy help if we keep having the same fight?
That pattern is often exactly what brings couples in. We can look at what happens before, during, and after the fight so it becomes easier to understand what’s getting triggered.
Do you see couples if one of US is queer and the other isn’t?
Yes, if the relationship needs support around identity, understanding, or communication. I’ll keep the focus on the relationship and the experience each partner brings into it.
What do we talk about in the first couples session?
We talk about what’s been happening, what each of you wants help with, and what feels most fragile right now. The words can come as we go.
Is couples therapy only for people on the verge of breaking up?
No. Some couples come in because things feel distant or tense, and others want support with communication or trust before things get worse. We can work with the shape of the relationship as it is.
About Celestial Shift Therapy
Are you feeling overwhelmed by anxiety, navigating complex identity questions, or carrying the weight of past trauma? Maybe you're facing life changes that shake your sense of self or struggling with internalized shame that keeps you from living as yourself.
Nicole ObihLCSW
Talk it through with Nicole
Tell us what has been going on and we will take it from there.